Well hello there, and welcome to post #24 of the blog. I know it’s been awhile since the last post, and to be perfectly honest I’ve just had so much other stuff going on I just didn’t have time. The last few months have been both crazy busy and amazing, and I’m hoping more than anything that keeps up, but I finally decided that a new blog was in order. Think of this as season 2 of the blog if you will, so as just a reminder (or to those of you new to the blog) let’s go over a few basic tenants.
- First and foremost the whole point of the blog is to make you laugh or at least smile. I know it sounds cliche but I’m convinced that if more people laughed or smiled the world would be a better place. If I say something insightful and get you to think that’s a bonus.
- Don’t take 75% of the stuff I write seriously, like I said it’s intended to get you to smile.
- For you new readers, I’ll be using something called GIF’s quite often, they’re basically just short moving pictures and they’re usually pretty funny. For you who has read the blog before, I’ll be pulling some old GIF’s out of storage, so enjoy.
So without further adieu, on with the blog!
So I was at my sister’s high school graduation commencement ceremony the other day and the more I sat through it, the more I think it could use a few updates. Now before anybody gets on their high horse about “tradition” let me point out a few things. First off I’m sorry to burst anyone’s bubble but graduating high school in 2014 isn’t really a big deal. I mean does it mean something? Sure it does, but nowadays when 80% of kids go onto college or some form of higher ed it really doesn’t mean much. It’s like graduating the 8th grade, congrats now get back to work. I realize it may have meant more 20+ years ago when the majority of kids didn’t go onto college, but thats not the case anymore. So with that in mind here are my recommendations to spruce up high school commencement ceremonies.
- No more “Pomp and Circumstance” as the graduates enter and leave. I want Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” and/or Europe’s “The Final Countdown”. The song the graduates leave to is either “The Imperial March” from Star Wars or “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” by Green Day.
- I get that when the graduates walk in at the beginning it’s supposed to be a big deal. But let’s change that up too. You can either run out like football players through a giant inflatable with a bunch of fog and high fives if you’re a guy, or down a runway like a fashion model if you’re a girl.
- Can we all get together on whether it’s allowed to cheer when a person receives their diploma or not? I don’t care either way but let’s just pick one and stick with it
- I feel like we don’t need to award high honors or even honors at a high school graduation. The reasoning behind this is actually fairly simple: If you take harder classes (ie Advanced Placement, college credit classes etc) you’ll probably have a lower GPA than someone who took layup classes like gym (see what I did there?). I realize not everyone who gets honors took easy classes but I also realize that not everyone who took college level courses was awarded honors.
- Have the students vote and pick a few teachers to give a short speech at their graduation. It will mean a lot more than the principal talking for 5 minutes and will make the students feel like they had a small say in their commencement.
Oh and speaking of high school classes, I’ve found what should be required reading for all home ec classes.
Now I’ve never actually read this book, but rest assured if I ever want a delicious five star meal (at a one star price) AND raise my street cred, I’ll have it overnighted to my house. I’ve read some reviews on it and it seems like many people’s favorite part is how he refers to a tablespoon as a dimebag. Oh Coolio.
I feel like this is the part of the blog where I chat about politics or the like, but honestly I haven’t kept up on it. Not that I don’t read the news, I just don’t break it down much anymore in my head. I’ve found I’ve just kind of had the “yeah that figures” attitude. I think part of it is we’ve just had shitty news for so long that I’m not really surprised anymore. The Bowe Bergdahl thing was a disaster, the VA scandal was sad and a disaster, and I mean there’s other countless news stories where I just read it and go “yeah that sounds about right.” Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything, alright now I need to bring the mood back up with something.
Hmm let’s see, well Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married. To me that doesn’t quite make it up to the level of news. Part of me hopes they had personalized vows just so Kanye could promise to not interrupt her at any large events. Plus I think it would be fun to Kim read her vows where she misspelled every other word. And yes I realize that it’s too dated and almost too easy to make fun of the Kardashians, but I just can’t resist.
- Saw a guy with huge tires on his riding lawn mower the other day and just thought “What’s the point of those tires, I mean is your lawn in the Amazon jungle?”
- How much do I have to pretend that I care about the World Cup? Is it more or less than I pretend to care about lacrosse or the WNBA…or the NBA?
- Can we just rename in the NBA Finals “The Lebron James Invitational.”
- Saw a news article today warning pregnant women to avoid fish high in mercury, especially (in this was in the article) shark and swordfish. So sorry ladies, looks like shark is off the menu.
That’s all I have for now. I know this blog was a little shorter than usual, but honestly I’m just trying to get back into the groove of things and I’ve had a lot of different stuff going on and a lot of stuff on my mind. Oh, and in keeping with tradition of the previous blog posts, here’s your cute GIF of the week and your Disney song of the week!
That’s all for now. I’ll be doing standup sometime in the near future so I’ll keep everyone posted on that. Thanks for reading and remember comments and likes on facebook are welcome!