Pink Smoke, Steve Austin, and the Rise of Rand Paul

Hey everyone and welcome to post #16 of the blog. To be honest I’m a little short on topics this week, so I’ll probably have several short little rants as opposed to a couple bigger ones. But on the bright side, I have a litany (that’s right, litany, it’s in Merriam-Webster’s, definition 2c, if you think it’s a prayer consisting of a series of invocations and supplications by the leader with alternate responses by the congregation then you should slap yourself, because you’re wrong) of funny pictures and GIFs which I’ll use over the next several blogs, so you’re in for a treat.

Normally I don’t ask people who read this blog to do much of anything, mainly I don’t like to underestimate how lazy people are. Not to say that all of you are lazy, or even a lot of you are lazy, but by and large the human race doesn’t give a shit about a great many things. That being said, since you people are here reading this, and thus a bit smarter than the average person, you should take 5 minutes out of your day and sign this: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/designate-may-20th-macho-man-randy-savage-day/2H6B8pnP. Because what did the founding fathers fight for if not for us to immortalize legendary professional wrestlers? Plus we give a day to plenty of stupid shit the way it is (I’m looking at you National Juggling Day) so why not have a holiday that some of us give a damn about. RIP The Macho Man.

As of the writing of this blog, the College of Cardinals is deliberating who to select as the new pope after the previous pope, Benedict the 16th, retired recently. (untimely author’s sidenote: a new pope has been elected, Pope Francis I) The process itself is somewhat interesting, and as is the case whenever anything moderately interesting happens, we have a bunch of nobodies protesting for one stupid reason or another. This time we have a bunch of femi-nazis complaining and using pink smoke (get it?) because…wait for it…there are no females in the College of Cardinals. None!! Zero!!

So the Catholic Church has had this tradition for what? A little under two millennia and now is the time these idiot feminists decide to get together and bitch. By the way, ladies, you should be the most outraged of all at these idiot feminist protesters. These people are the reason that your gender has the gloomy distinction of being the gender that tends to bitch about everything. Now I’m not saying it’s true or not, but these idiots are the reason for that stereotype. These people are nothing more than a bunch of narcissists, they don’t give a shit about the new pope, the College of Cardinals or even the Church for that matter, all they give a damn about is getting their name in the news. All they want to do is get their name in the news at the expense of something way more important than they are. But for some reason, we give them a pass. Why? If a bunch of dudes showed up at a breast cancer fundraiser with a sign that said “What about my prostate yo?” everybody at the fundraiser would tell them to beat it. What if a bunch of straight people showed up at a gay and lesbian rally with a sign that said “My heterosexual ancestors would object to these shenanigans”?

The point is, we don’t allow other groups to take a collective shit at somebody else’s thing, so why are we allowing these feminists to bitch about something which has 2,000 years of history to it. Quit being a bunch of damn narcissists, quit having diarrhea of the mouth, and shut up!

The next thing I want to talk about is Rand Paul and the new Republican Party. First off let me say that Paul, along with guys like Marco Rubio, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz and a couple others are renewing the Republican Party, which as far as I’m concerned is fantastic and long overdue. I’m actually listening to Paul’s speech at CPAC now for about the third time and it’s pretty good, and I’d recommend watching it as soon as you can. The speech itself was great, and Paul did a good job of outlining what the GOP needs to represent if they want to win, including an overhaul of the drug laws, balancing the budget, and getting rid of the debt. My inner Ron Swanson stood up and applauded.

But yes it’s been a big couple of weeks for Rand Paul, and for that matter the Republican Party. The old guard of the GOP, aka the John McCain’s and the Lisa Murkowski’s of the world, are in the process of being replaced by people like Paul, which makes some conservatives nervous not because they like RINO Republicans, but they are a little leery of libertarians. Here’s my two cents on libertarians: as I’ve said countless times in this blog, I agree with libertarians ideas 95% of the time, and even that other 5% is debatable. I have a problem with people who say they are libertarian and then use it as an excuse to smoke weed, do nothing, and piss and moan from their mother’s basement. Now I realize that many libertarians aren’t like that, but still. Hell, at this point I’d consider myself more libertarian than I would Republican. I fully support Rand Paul and the changes that are coming to the GOP. If the party changes like every conservative hopes it will, then as far as I’m concerned my “Leave My Shit Alone” Party would be happily rejoin the GOP!

Random Thoughts:

• When did we start giving a shit what Dennis Rodman thinks about anything? Was there a big vote or something that I missed?
• It’s 2013, can we just write a law that says acceptable jeans colors are blue and black? I was getting gas today and one person had on pink jeans, and the other had on purple jeans. Why? It’s Jeans!! And you’re getting gas, not heading to a Jimi Hendrix concert in the 60’s!!
• Seeing conservatives try to troll on the comment sections is easily one of the worst things the internet has given us. I like conservatives and libertarians, don’t get me wrong, but I can only see horribly unfunny Obama nicknames so long. It’s 2013 guys, why is King Obummer still in your lexicon?
• Every time I go to a movie theater I reminded how out of ideas we are.
• If I could pick any three people in the world to have dinner with, it would be: Adam Carolla, Ron Swanson, and Dave Grohl.
• The Catholic Church picked a leader in two days, our government hasn’t passed a budget in 4 years. Think about that.
• Is anybody actually worried about this sequestration BS? I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m very rarely worried about anything that politicians are up in arms over. Rather, I’m worried about the stuff they never bring up.
• Next time you want to feel like a genius but be pissed off the entire time, listen to people over 60 talk about smartphone technology.
• Being that it is 3/16/13, I’d like to wish everybody a very happy Stone Cold Steve Austin Day. Yes, I realize it’s a stretch, but keep in mind the math nerds just got done celebrating Pi Day so deal with it. So pour a nice cold one down your throat in honor of the Texas Rattlesnake himself (and I guess that St. Patrick fellow too).
• Remember to check out my radio show on KSSU! Details and the link are in the last blog, along with lots of other good shit, plus I’m too lazy to copy and paste.
• Like “Occupy Bacon” and “The Inappropriate Gentleman” on facebook. Both are hilarious and hands down two of my favorite pages on facebook.

Thanks for reading!! As always, comments, questions, and like on facebook (to feed my fragile ego) are welcome. Also if you have any topics you’d like me to cover in the blog, feel free to let me know!